dry.

Ok. So after I came back home last night I just couldn't stop thinking about what we were trying to go through with Kevin. [it was Luke 3rd].

Thinking about what do people have to do to be baptized. [I'm not talking about the physical part of it].

My favourite author Don Miller says “Nothing is going to change in Congo until you and I realize what is wrong with the man in the mirror”. He’s so right.

I took my dog for a walk about an hour ago. I just felt like I should go out. I’m not feeling very talkative today. Don’t feel like hanging out, studying or working...

We went to my happy place. Or.. maybe I should better say we went to the place that used to be my happy place. Those amazing green fields where my dog could just run for hours, raspberries, blackberries and black currant everywhere.

I would just take my camera and spend hours and hours there thinking, singing, talking to myself and picking all the delicious fruit. And always when I baked raspberry muffins it just reminded me how happy and free I felt there.

But today when I came.. all the green color was gone. No more grass, flowers, no more blackberries. There was a new built house and the rest of it was all just a dirty dust. It was so… dry!

And when I saw it I realized that the happy place, the other world I had just turned into… a dust.

I couldn’t see it changing because for all those months I didn’t have time to go there to spend a little time in my world. In the world of Petra Pan, the happy little child.

I would probably just hang out, party or chat on facebook/myspace with people I didn’t even care about or just do nothing usefull with boy that was not even worth my time. I didn’t care about people I loved, I didn’t care about things I loved, I didn’t even care about myself.

And then.. standing there in the dirty dust I got it.

Those people I love and I would do anything to help them whenever they need me to, they are not on facebook, not in Stodolni street club… they are here, in my real life not that far from my happy place. Maybe the real life is not a life of Petra Pan anymore. Maybe it’s just time to grow up and not being a child anymore, maybe not. Maybe I could find a balance and keep a little of that child inside.

But one thing I know for sure is that even though I’ve already started… I’m still going to need a lot of water to hydrate and clean up that dust.

[He said therefore to the crowds that came out to be baptized by him, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bear fruits in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham. Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees.Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."]