THIS IS IT

I don't know where to start. I hardly breathe, my eyes burn and my stomach hurts.

Let’s start from the beginning. I’m not going to talk about what a MJ fan I am.You could have seen thousands of people saying „I’ve always loved you Michael“ after he died. But honestly… how many of those people loved him when he was called rapist, pedophile,drug addict or jacko wacko??? Think about it.

Anyways… I remember June 25th. It was Thursday. I skipped school that week because of my ear infection but I felt like going out that day. So we hung out with FiHa and 7ish – 8ish pm we decided to get some drink (hot mango juice actually) in the Co Kdyby bar. It was about 9 pm when they played MJ’s The Earth Song. We all started to talk about him and made fun of Petr because of his „I-am-hanging-in-the-door-screaming-like-Michael-Jackson-and-saving-our-planet“ childhood memory and me and Tyna promised one another that the only thing we need to do until we die is to see him live. What an irony.

Few songs later we decided to go to some open-air party in a village outside the town which was really cool, we had a lot of fun, six people in one car going through the whole town and Tyna driving (right after she got her licence). On our way back around 1am my friend Jirka called me. He sounded pretty lonely while he talked about movie he was watching but I was kinda busy trying to keep my balance in the car so I told him to call me another time. Then we went to Tesco, bought some candies and stuff and just sat outside, played Big Buddy and had fun when suddenly my cell started to ring again (MJ’s You Rock My World - I love this song). Jirka again. I thought 'why the heck is he calling me at 2 am???' So I picked up and asked „Ok you must be really drunk or really depressed buddy so what's up???“ when he said „Jackson is dead!“. I didn’t really understand what he meant so I was like yeah dude you’re funny. But then he said I should check out the Internet. I did. I called and texted my closest friends and family. I just couldn’t believe it. All of us stopped talking. Dalík went to buy a bottle of Pepsi but we didn’t drink it.

We just sat out there and didn’t talk just listened to his songs on Tyna’s iPhone.

She drove us all home around 4am and before I fell asleep I told God „Please tell me this is not true.“ It was.

When my mom told me about a month ago that she bought me those tickets to see that big documentary show I thought „ok… it might be an epic fail, simple hunger after money or it might be an unforgettable experience".

You’ll figure.

Well… I sat there at my comfy place in Cinestar. And then it started. Some dancers talking about working with MJ. I knew almost all of them cause those are really the best dancers in the world. And then, the last dancer talking was Misha Gabriel. Oh my gosh I thought. He looks exactly the same as last year when I met him. When I talked to him. When he asked me how does it feel to live in Czechoslovakia and when he gave me his cellphone (t-mob sidekick btw) to save my number there. Just to make it clear it was Street Dance Camp Europe 2008 in Jedovnice Czech Republic. It’s one of the most important events in the world of dance. I was so excited about that and I could tell you tons of stories but that’s not the point now. Misha Gabriel was one of the biggest stars coming. When I saw him at the first time I couldn’t breathe. I just thought „Oh my gosh he’s real. The best choreographer in the world is real.“ Yes he was. He came to our table, sat down and we talked.

I found out that even the best choreographer in the world is a real person. Human being just like me. He was actually high and drunk and when I made fun of him he didn’t really get it.

And then I see him here on the screen talking about how he’s been searching his whole life for something that is worth it. And how this whole experience with MJ is it. „This is it“ he said. The guy I could pretty much have possibly lost my virginity with (I wouldn’t be the only one there by the way) was almost crying talking about finding the meaning of his life. Wow.

[me and Misha Gabriel]

[me and Marty Kudelka]

And then it started. First tone. My body started shaking. His face. I stopped breathing. His words. I cried. I just cried. I don’t know how to describe it. You really need to see that movie to understand it. Whatever you think about Michael Jackson. Whatever conspirative theory you believe in, that he was a freak sleeping in vacuum casket throwing his own kids out of the window… you have to admit that this man was the KING. And after you watch this movie… you have to admit that he still IS.

***

First thing I want to talk about is his dance. I think I could say I know a lot about dance. I love to dance, I love to watch other people danicng, I love to learn new routines and I love to make some too. I saw a lots of amazing dancers, the best in the world. They taught me a lot and nobody could ever take that away from me.

MJ had the best dancers behind his back. Those young people are just amazing. You can’t really believe that it’s „just“ a dance what they are doing. They fly. But honestly… they SUCK. The best dancers in the universe SUCK compared to the King.

Imagine 50-year-old skinny man popping, locking, break dancing in the middle of twentysomething hot guys… sounds funny? Yes. Imagine MJ doing that… WONDERFUL. His pop is not just pop. It’s an electricity flowing through his whole body. His flow is not just flow. It’s a smooth miracle that makes him fly. When he twists it feels like a tornado. I remember my rehearsals before every competition or a show. I sweated. I couldn’t breathe. I was so exhausted that I cried. Yes, honestly I cried. But that was nothing compared to what MJ did. All the spot lights, crazy costumes, pressure about media, fans, money. It’s not a reahearsal, it’s a creation.

He doesn’t move – he creates the movement. He teaches his dancers and they follow him and adore him just „like in churche“. [MJ’s staff quoted]. Even though it’s not their time on the stage they stand down there and watch him, scream and rejoice.

„I love you“ he says. And I know he means it.

Another thing is his music. It’s not just a singer we’re talking about. It’s a musician. He feels every tone and every beat. He feels what is and what is not right and he works hard and repeats again and again until it’s perfect. And by perfect I mean PERFECT. When he sings you never hear any false tone. Any. He says he’s saving his chords and his voice but you couldn’t hear that. You can only hear him enjoying every single moment, creating something unbelievably smooth, musical and wonderful. I’ve always known that the King of pop is a great singer. But I never knew that he could be a guitar player, drummer or a pianist just as wondeful.

***

Third thing is the show. All the dancers, vocalists, band, lighting, costumes… WOW.

It’s not about him only. It’s about the whole world he creates around. Every single song is a different showcase. Every single choreography, background, costume, spot light… it makes you wonder „HOW?“. How is that possible? How is it possible to do that? All those miracles that happens while performing Thriller, The Earth Song, Smooth Criminal, The Way You Make Me Feel, Black Or White or Beat It??? Where did these ideas come from? How is it possible? Is it even possible? Yes it is. Well… it was meant to be.

And the last and the most important thing is MJ himself. According to all those gossips you would expect to see a confused, depressed drug addict who’s deffinately not able to work that show out. But what you see is a strong powerful man enjoying everything he creates. He’s having so much fun, laughing, dancing and making jokes.

But what impressed me the most was his humbleness and awe. Everytime he asks for something or he wants to change something it makes you feel „Hey who’s that guy? Is that the King???“.

It is not very usual to hear one of the greatest musicians in the world saying „Could you please change that a little? Please? Oh thank you. Thank you very much. You are wonderful. God bless you.“

No this is deffinately not the guy we know from the newspapers.

And that’s why people love him. He is so special, talented, hard-working, supportive and inspiring. He would do anything for people around him and especially for his fans. He works so hard to make it not just as good as possible but to make it the best. The best show, the best experience in your life. Every move, tone and word inspires you in every single way. And when he makes his speech to the whole crew and says

„We are family. Just know that. I love you.“

...you know that it’s not just his tongue but his heart speaking.

I am not going to say what an amazing experience the whole movie was. How inspiring, breathtaking and unbelieveble. I just thought… (ok I do not believe in any conspirative theories, I’m sure Elvis is dead and we are not gonna die in 2012)… I just thought he could not die. Not naturally. He was so happy, strong and content. He couldn’t wait to see his fans again, to make them listen, sing, dance, cry and smile. Why would God ever wanted him to die? Why in that time, when he was just about to change the whole world, he was just about to give us hope and faith, faith in God, in change and a new beginning??? I don’t know. Nobody knows. I just know that the man I saw on the screen was not ready to die. He was not ready to leave his work not finished and his fans waiting.

He wanted to change the world or at least try.

I wonder why he didn’t get the chance…

When I heard the first tones of „Man In The Mirror“ I cried so bad. I felt those huge tears pouring down. Tears so hot that my face was almost burning. I have spent hours and hours in front of my mirror trying to make some routine to this song. It’s just never been good enough. And when I saw MJ singing

„I’m starting with the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways“

and dancing his little glassy dance I realized that it will never be good enough.

But I can try. I can try to do something, to take a look at myself and make the change. I’ve already started couple months ago but I’m not done yet. I want that change to be visible, powerful and amazing. I do want to make the world a better place.

And I believe that this is what he had always wanted to do. To help people realize what a wonderful place this world is, how powerful faith and love is…

I wish he got his chance. But maybe this movie is the chance.

„This is the moment. This is it.“

All I can say is – Go. Go watch it!

„It’s all for love. El oh vee ee.“

[Michael Jackson, 1958 - 2009]

bowling.

When I had no one to call
All the world had shut me down
I showed up at your door so blue
Thank God I had a friend like you.

I mean it!

Thank you.
Today, tomorrow, always.

hot coco.

Ok. I've been trying to post a new update lately but my life seems a little too busy. Like today, few minutes ago actually, I just layed on a sofa and I realized "jeez this is something I haven't done for a LOOONG time!".
But now I'm here, rolling in my bed, drinking my strawberry tea and typing... finally!

Well... I had tons of ideas during the week. I mean always when something nice, sad, depressing, awesome or just random happens to me, I just think "ok I need to write about this."
But I'm not.
I got my idea today.
I wanted tody to be my "I am not doing anything today" day. I mean... I thought about coming back from school around 4 and just chilling in my bed, watching Felicity, eating something super unhealthy and yummi. But my life doesn't really follows the plan.
I ended up joining English club at Bishop, having hot pear juice, working on Invisible Children event and shopping with Tyna and hanging out a little with Nikol.
Well... haning out with Nikol was the plan.
It all turned to be a little different.

After we finished our shopping with Tyna and drank our favourite yoghurt coffee I decided to walk her to the bus stop and then go to the meeting with my friend Nikol. But Tyna's bus just left while we were coming so we had to wait for the next one. And then it happened.

I saw a lots of kids walking down the boulevard with lanterns in their small hands all lost in their huge gloves wearing their tiny teeny beetle costumes. And man... I loved it.
But it made me feel so sad. I mean really sad.
I remembered when I was a kid living in that little village in the mountaines where we used to do things like that. When my mom would read me "Little Beatles" book and my sister would teach me everything about those magical beatles and we would just take a long walks in the evening, trying to see them and their little lanterns serving people and serving Lord.
And that was the feeling that sometimes shows up inside of my mind and my body... that feeling when I feel really blue and my body just doesn't really work and I just wish to be at home with my mum and my sisters, drinking my mum's hot coco and feeling safe.


Cause this is something I've missed too bad lately. After all that happened in my relationship, after all that happened with my knee, with my family, with school...
I just really need to feel safe.
If Tyna wasn't with me I would probably cry. I had to reschedule the meeting. I had to go home. I had to hug my little sister and tell her how much i love her and talk to my mom about those little beatles and drink a huge mug of hot coco and eat my mom's apple pie and doodle pirates and robots and flowers with my sister and read her a bed time story and kiss and hug her again... while we were painting I brought us two little bottles of an aloe vera drink and we cheered and painted againg when she just said...

"Hey you know what? We need to do this every day. Every day this time we will just cheer and have a little talk, ok sister?"

She smiled and I could see all her deciduous teeth and those funny spaces among them.
And in that exact moment I realized how lucky I am.


Even though I've been complaining a lot lately. About school, about my no chance to go to APU, about God not being any helpful in that "my future" question, about being hungry, about eating too much, about being too busy, about being super bored at school and blah blah blah. Please do NOT listen to me when I act like that. Just tell me
"You know what DUMB? Get some hot coco!".


Thank you!




Last week in points:

thursday - crazy. crazy crazy crazy. and busy. travelling through the whole city when there's no tram going as it should go. dealing with all those magisterial problems. work. rain. seeing people I didn't want to see. seeing my father who made me as angry, depressed and dissappointed as alway. paying my bills on time [for the first time]. having nice evening chocolate and wine conversation with my mum.

friday - getting those developed pictures I never wanted to develop. buying my favourite wtermelon water to calm down. chilling at Renky's, having fun. shopping with Renky, buying some really cool stuff and having a looots of FUN!!! watching that baseball movie. you know... it was a baseball movie haha. having fun with Renky the whole afternoon and evening.

saturday - library in the morning, feeling very inspired, reading the whole book, making chocolate pretzels with B., drinking mead and reading again.

sunday - baseball game. cool!!! even though we lost the game, we had so much fun. especially thanks to the "french" reporter haha. it was awesome!!!


monday - amazing, I mean AMAZING seminary about North Korea!!! I need to post special blog about that. and bible study with Kevin. which was partly sad, but very honest and helpful. Thank you!!!

yesterday - bible study at Ashley's. Yes I got into a little Juno-ish shape after eating all that salad, pasta, bagettes and brownies. YAAAY! and yes I think the Bread&Fish party at Jesus' ROCKS!!! [especially those 12 Jesus' bros and 5000 random dudes haha].
Thank you Ashley and Luke for being the best cooks
and the best tuesday evenings bible study leaders.

love, petra.

impossible.

I was supposed to sleep like 2 hours ago but I just couldn't fall asleep.
Which is really weird cause sleeping is the only activity I have no problem doing immediately and 24/7. [maybe I should add eating and rolling in my bed]

Whatever. I just listened to that random song and it slapped my face.
I'm so not going to sleep tonight.


I don't want to feel like I don't have a future.
I don't want to feel like it's an end of a summer.
Let's not fall back to sleep like we used to.
I don't want to wake up knowing I don't have a future.

Impossible. Your love is something I cannot remember.

I don't want to spend another day in this city.
I woke up thirsty, it's hard to go back you know.
Let's not fall back to sleep like we used to, do you remember?
I don't want to wake up knowing I don't have a future.

cry.

So I just cry.
After a long long time.
I kind of learned how to not cry very often and I was really good at all that non-crying thing.
I didn't cry when those really close people hurt me, lied to me or cheated on me.
I didn't cry when I hurt someone and I felt really bad about it.
I didn't even cry when my surgery happened with all that killing pain.

Now I just do. And I'm posting it online which makes it even more ridiculous.
If you would ask me questions about my life, you'd probably think I'm just broken idiot with no actual reason to act like a little emo kid.

I have an amazing family. Even though there's been a little too much going on lately and you'll probably never get a chance to hear me talking about it, I just love my family.
About a month ago I could see myself being a wonderful person when I hugged my mum and told her how amazing she is, my heroine who inspires me every single day of my life. Forever.
I could see her tears stop pouring at that moment and it made me feel like this was the greatest thing I've ever done in my life.

I have the best friends I could ever prayed for. They make my every second.
After all those years of searching for the cool friends, after all those years of making fun of outsiders and being an insider in every "society" I wanted, I realized that those real best friends have been around for the whole time.
Watching me acting like a total dumb, doing stupid things and hurting them again and again.
I am so sorry. You have no idea..
And I am so glad that Irenka is back in my life.
Cause when you lose something you don't realize it that well until you have it back and you experience it all again.
It makes you think "how could I ever let that happened?".
And when she texted me calling me her little angel at the exact moment I was thinking about her it assured me that this is so right.

I have a perfect job, I go to perfect school which is like the best school around, I have perfect hobbies, perfect YoungLife youth group, perfect classmates, there's couple of really nice guys around, I'm doing great job with the Invisible Children, my girls think I am an amazing dance teacher, I got a chance to be ADRA volunteer... so where the heck is the problem???

I don't know.
I think I just focus too much on something that may not be happening.
Maybe sometimes those things you want the most in your life [school, job, partner] are just not supposed to be a part of your life.

Maybe a school like APU is just a huge dream I've been dreaming for a long time... but maybe not every dream is meant to become true.
Maybe the boy is just not meant to be the boy for me.
Maybe this dream is just a little too big to be really turning into reality.

Maybe I should have plan B, plan C, plan D and some other plans B for plan B,C and D.
But I guess I'm just still a little kid and I'd better dream about something unrealistic and far away than to grab something real that's waiting for me right here.

I did that once. I gave up my dream and grabbed something that was easy to get.
I think that was the biggest mistake of my life and it makes me feel so freaking sad everytime it crosses my mind.

You see?
I have no reason to cry.
I'm being a silly little kid and I should make up my mind and face all that crap that's been showing up lately.

And by the way I'm so failing my math and physics tests tomorrow.



But please people.. if you have any extra minute in your life.. please pray for me and Tyna.
Pray for my college and for hers African experience.
Cause we've always fought for our dreams.
But as closer it seems as complicated it becomes.

Thank you so much.

Love, Petra Pan.

dear mr. president

So yesterday the whole world found out that president Obama won the NPP.
I've never wanted my blog to be related with policy. Ever.
I mean I really care about what's going on in this world and I love to talk about it [yes I love debates] but I just don't want to spam virtual world with every single thing that makes me angry.
Cause as you might know policy in this country has always been pretty crazy and it's not that hard to find something that makes you super angry.
And since I got really mad during the senat meeting in Prague this Monday I've decided not to talk about policy for a while.

***

But seriously people.. is this fair?
I mean I don't mind Barack Obama. He's never done anything to not win the NPP.
But he's actually never done anything to DO win it.
And I know it's not his fault and personally I think he's not that very happy about the prize but still it makes me a little sad.

***

Our expresident mr Vaclav Havel spent a long time fighting for peace and democracy not only in this country. He was arrested by communists, went through a lot in jail but he still believed in his dream and he kept finghting. Velvet Revolution was not only the end of 40year-long-lasting terror but it was also a new beginning.
New beginning for all of us, chance to start over.
I'm really glad there were and still are people like mr Havel.
Cause thanks to them I got a chance to be who I am.


He's been nominated three times already. He never won.
They said it was because he was still politically active.

***

I don't understand the whole Obama thing then.
It makes me feel like we should give the Nobel Prize in Medicine to someone who really wants to find HIV cure but hasn't even started yet... and it doesn't make sense.

205 people and organizations nominated.
Do you really think that mr Obama is the most active one?
Do you think he's the one who fights for peace 24/7???
I do not.

***

I found some really good quotes.


"It's a great success and appreciation of his theory about international relations, built not on confrontations but on action. ČSSD supports this policy with no doubts."
[Jiří Paroubek, ČSSD]

"Not very often there's a prize given for something that might happen in a future to someone who might potentially do it. But with the NPP it is surely possible. I would, 20 years after the Velvet Revolution, give this prize to Václav Havel, for being the most meaning person in changing eastern Europe. But after Yasser Arafat happened, the prize should be renamed."
[Mirek Topolánek, ODS]


Yes sir... that's [not only] why I vote ODS.

***

and now a little food for thought

"I think in sexual life we would call this 'coming too early'... and that's always kind of awkward."
[Miloš Čermák, journalist]

one thing two do..

If there was a survey [like one of those myspace bulletin surveys I always fill in when I should just study instead] asking me when was the last time I felt happy?
I think I'd say "not now". I think I'd say "every single minute I spent in Prague this week."
Yes. That's the truth. I know it might sound a little weird, maybe not just a little, but I feel so much more like home there. Everytime I go to Prague [and yes it's pretty often since my sister moved there] I just feel different. I mean...
I feel happy.

***

The city is just awesome. I think everyone who's ever been there would agree. It has its own atmosphere and it makes you smile everytime you see the Charles Bridge, Old Town Square, Kampa, National Museum etc. You see all those impressive towers, old buildings and tiny teeny streets and you feel like a part of this special something.
But this time Prague felt even more special for me.

I lived with Irenka [I just love to call her Renky]. I remember those times when the two of us were really close. Before she left to the States. I remember that princess thing she sent me from there, I still keep it in my "memory box". But something happened then [I don't really know what] and we haven't talked for a looong time. And now we got closer again and.. man living with her was just really nice. I mean her appartement is just so awesome, but living with her, having coffee and breakfast together every morning, reading through those girly magazines, talking about nothing and everything... I really miss her. I know it's been like few hours since I came back and I know she's coming here soon... but I still miss her. I even missed her sometimes in Prague. When I was hanging out with someone else I just felt like "hey I miss her, what's wrong?".

Another speciality about this time in Prague is that I had almost all the people I love the most in my life with me.
I mean my sister was in the same city, Renky, B., Veronika, J. and all my friends from my class [yes sir, I really love my classmates], Jirka and Iva and even Kevin showed up!
Tamara was like 45 minutes outside of town but still.
Of course my mum, my little sister, Tyna and Petr and some other people were missing but still... it's pretty cool to live right in the heart of the city you love with the people you love around you. And all those people you just don't really like, all that gossip and crap it all seems so far away.

***

I'd love to write down every single moment I felt so happy but that would take hours. I just enjoyed every every every single minute since that morning we went to shop all that cheese and fruits and stuff, since my first Starbucks coffee [and yes man I know I promised to myself I'm not spending that much money on stupid things but yes I had tons of them. But Starbucks coffee is not a stupid thing, right?]. I loved feeding those cute ducks in the senat gardens, I loved burning my lips with the sumatra presso with hot soy milk, I loved going to the gallery with B., taking photo of that giant balloon, having the best ice-cream ever, eating my vegetarian quesadilla on the Kampa island, buiyng the same bracelet, walking through the Old Town in the night with Jirka and Renky, talking until 2 am, calling Andrew, walking down those streets around the castle, running through the Charles bridge with caramel frappucino and J. by my side, watching my favourite actor and singer acting the best theater play I've ever seen, partying in that really nice club, walking down the whole Old Town with no shoes, right after rain at 1 or 2 am, having coffee with Kevin and making fun of american tourists, having delicious lunch with my girls at vegan restaurant, sleeping underneath the tree on Kampa island, watching all those young people playing soccer there or just walking their dogs, dancing around the National Theater, partying the whole night with the best class I could ever dream of, jumping around in the rhytm of smells like teen spirit, eating delicious vegan chocolate cake which was made especially for us...

No I don't feel very happy right now. I really miss it. I miss Renky too bad. I miss the town and its very special atmosphere. I miss my class being not just class but kind of a family. I miss the culture, the fashion, languages and all those nice random people all around me.

***

Right after I came back to Ostrava and I finished all that stuff I had to do I changed my facebook name. I just felt like Petra Pan again. And right after I changed it I found an APU application e-mail in my spam box [thank god I didn't delete it like I usually do]. I read through all those crazy information... and... I feel like something big is going to happen. I'm just not sure how I feel about it. I should make up my mind a little.

I just have that "something is wrong" feeling on my mind.

I'd better get some sleep.






[I'll post someting more possitive and upload some pics later. I promise.]

have you made that tea already?!

I felt like I need to tell you all about how amazing friday afternoon-nite was but I'm really really tired and I need to get some sleep cause my wakey time is in 4 hours.
Anyways since I started to doodle with my little sister until Renky dropped me off around 1am I had an amazing time.
Just doing nothing in Tyna's bed, annoying Petr, skyping Renky's [really nice] boyfriend, adoring Tyna's new TOMS shoes, going to the party that was kinda weird [like... seriously people... I feel OLD. and I think I'm sort of glad for that] and having our private party after party with three kinds of cheese, low fat yoghurt, chips and all the gossip. Man that was awesome!!!
We so NEED to do that again.
I love you girls!

Heading it to bed now!!!

Four days out of town is exactly the thing I need right now.
My home made cheese quesadillas, crumbles, aloe vera yoghurt and carrot juice are packed, iPod is charged and camera's ready to capture everything I feel like capturing.
Designblok 09, lomography exhibition at UMPRUM, DOX exhibition, Richard the III. theater play [with my favourite actor starring], Starbucks, camera, my class and especially my girls... that's pretty much it.

I love leaving town, I love Prague, I love life.

see you.

Petra Pax [this name's been on my mind a lot lately and I finally decided to publish it.]

m.ř.m.n.n.s.a.n.h.n.a.n.

[seems like we're growing old, ladies]

earl grey and norwegian wood.

So I am sick. Funny huh. The problem is that I am that kind of person who gets sick WHENEVER there's ANY virus or bacteria around. Seriously. Even worse is that when there's any tiny teeny chance to get hurt you bet it's me ending up in a hospital. Whatever, I'm not dying right?

Just to sum up past few days.. friday was cool. Art day was.. well... a little not that productive. We got pregnant with popcorn and chocolate, played stickers war with Petr, watched Charlie the Unicorn and we had fun. After I left Tyna's house I started editing our videoblog [finally] and even though it took a looong time I think was worth it.
And friday night we had a sushi goodbye party at Tamara's. It was awesome. She's the exact person you'd love to have a sushi party with. After she spent more than year with Mai her japanese sister and after she visited Japan for more than 2 months, she's just like a real Japanese [except the blonde haired and blue eyed part of her]. We ate all that sushi, nigiri, tempura and bunch of other stuff I can't remember and I got pregnant again!!!

[check the videoblog at www.youtube.com/petraisthename]

***

Saturday was nice. I woke up late, had to deal with that annoying ex-boyfriend thing and then went to our Invisible Chidren house party. It was really nice. I love our IC team, I think we're going to ROCK this year. We watched the GO! movie and man - you need to watch it! It's amazing. I mean.. it really touches you, especially if you're a high schooler and you [at least sometimes] feel like there's nothing BIG happening in your life.


I wrote down some quotes that really touched me.

"We all come from somewhere but that's not what it's about. You should think instead where do you wanna go!" "It's time for us, the leaders of tomorrow to be leaders of today and ask - how far do you want to go?"

I guess it's worth thinking.

***


[I love those goats pics. I think they're just super cute.]


Sunday was really nice, I spent the whole day with my family. We took a nice walk outside of town and I loved it. Especially that moment when me, mum and my sisters were sitting in the middle of the green field, watching the sunset and talking about our dream house. Amazing!!! Have I mentioned how much do I love my family?







***

Monday was cool. No school by the way. I baked my very first american apple pie and maaan - it was delicious!!! I know it sounds unbelievable [we all know how does it work - me and a kitchen] but it just happened that I baked delicious apple pie [and served with chocolate ice-cream? Gosh I'm so ready to get married :D ].
I had a lunch with my dad and after that me and J. [that amazing girl I share my class desk with] had a sleepover. We do this regularly like twice a year and we always have so much fun. We ate the whole pie I baked, watched the Czechoslovakian Idol and then we just talked and laughed and talked and laughed.
You know... girl's sleepovers :)


[and she really liked that painting I made for her. Or at least she acted so haha. I'm glad.]

***

Monday when we woke up I knew that going to the doctor's is the only choice I have. I mean my throat wouldn't stop bleeding. Ick!
I got a bunch of antibiotics and since then I've been stuck at home.
Yesterday I slept the whole day, tried to get better and today.. let me talk about today :)

***

So I woke up at 1pm today. Actually I woke up at 7 to take my pills but I don't even remember that, I was probably in the middle of one of those crazy dreams I had.
After I finally decided to get off my bed I found bunch of tacos in the kitchen, ready to be eaten by ME!!! You probably don't understand but if you'd know my mum you'd be really shocked. Tacos in our house??? Right after I ate it my mum brought me a lunch... Chinese food in those boxes just like they serve it in States. Well.. another shock! I mean... mum what's up?
You'd better stop watching american movies :)

You know sometimes being sick is not that bad. You have plenty of time to fill in those stupid myspace surveys you never fill in. You have plenty of time to download new music and talk on skype or yahoo. I did all of that today and I also found some amazing videos and photos that really inspired me and events I really need to check out.
I finished my new painting [which means a lot to me] and I had a lot of time to think too.

And now sitting here, drinking my delicious english earl grey tea, listening to the Norwegian Wood I realize what a wonderful place to live the world is.
Early morning [late night?] e-mail I got from APU just made my day!!! I know it's just an ordinary e-mail they send everyone but still... it's like the first sign of my future at APU [if there is any future. I hope.].
Talking to Tamara made me really happy. Bascially cause she is happy. Getting to know new people, making new friends, doing what she loves to do the most. I miss her already but I know she's really happy and that's what matters.
Starting our dance crew United Colors Of Dance again, tomorrow. I'm excited.
Planning the Invisible Children event for the Youth4Youth festival makes me really content. Having my own speech makes me feel a little nervous [not that I've never had any but this one feels different] but I'm sure everything is going to be alright.
I'm really excited about the whole festival. You should come!!! You'll probably find me on the Invisible Children stage [Motor Bar] or somewhere close to the Art stage. Can't wait!
And there's the Film Festival Ostrava happening. I hope to see the Nord movie tomorrow and the Daisies movie at the weekend. And I'm finally going to spend some time with Irenka!!! Last time we actually hung out was... well.. I can't even remember. You see, we really need that!

Well this is it. I feel like not sleeping at all cause my head is just full of inspiration, full of ideas and plans. Can't wait to start working on it tomorrow :]

I miss talking to Kevin.

I got to talk to Aubrey after a while. I love her and keep wishing the best for her.

Love, Petra.

And by the way... If there's a man, father of my children, planting a tree someday.. I want it to be a chestnut tree.