what to do.

So... few days ago we had a sleepover with Tyna. Really nice one. We made those cool journals, we skyped Martin (yes man he's funny even through skype - his summer photo literally laughed our a**** off), baked muffins and had fun in general. In the morning I slept like a little baby while Tyna had some meetings and when she got back home 10ish we had a breakfast. In bed (as weird as it sounds, bed is an important place in my story).
So we ate some cereals and muffins, drank our coffee and talked.
Kinda deep conversation considering the fact that I just woke up.

In the middle of the conversation Tyna asked me:
"Hey! Seriously... what are we gonna do in our lives?".
I looked at her and I was like "What do you mean... save the world of course!"
And she was like: "Yeah sure... but I mean like... seriously..."
And then I got it. What if we keep dreaming. What if Africa is just one big dream. What if San Diego is just a big dream. Oklahoma. Travelling the world.
So I said: "Well... we might get stuck here. Be like normal people, living normal life, having a regular job, car and a partner we don't really love but we don't mind living with... and keep dreaming about those things we used to dream about when we were twentysomething. About saving the world. But this is not gonna happen. This is just something that scares us to death. So let's keep it secret!!!".
We kept talking about what we need to do. How we should stop the whole procrastination thing. Stop rolling in a bed and wake up and DO something!


Yes, DO is the key word. I mean I keep writting down my "TO DO" lists. I have tons of them in my room. In each of my journal there is at least 10 pages of "what to do" (considering the fact that I have three different journals it's kinda scary).
I even have those tiny teeny sticky papers and I keep sticking them all over the place just not to forget what I need to do.
But... honestly... it doesn't matter how many lists do you write, it doesn't matter how many journals, notebooks or agendas you own, it doesn't matter how many people pressure you to do it - it is ALWAYS up to you. You are the one and the only person who can do something about it.
And I really want my dreams to come true. No. Want is not the right word. I need my dreams to come true and I am SO READY to pay the price to make them come true.



Here comes the thing. Since me and my father got in a big fight (yes really big one) I decided that I don't want anything from him anymore. I really do not want to be a little spoiled girl, I want to stand up on my own feet and be responsible of myself. So... I'm not getting new shiny sweet MacBook. Not until I make the money to buy it. I am paying my crazy phone bills for myself (I know it's not going to be easy but at least it will teach me to calm down), I'm taughtering extra two college students since January to make three times as much money as I make now. So please!!! If you are my true friend... do NOT ask me to join you for a lunch, massage or not even a coffee... at least not in January. It is going to be a rough month. I have an astronomical phone bill to pay and I would love to manage it on my own without asking my parents to pay for me.


And... another thing is - I'm done with the "to do" part. I only want to do the "do" part.
Of course I still need my journals and my tiny teeny sticky papers. But this time I'm going to actually DO what's written on the TO DO. I know this sounds a little new years-ish but this has nothing to do with New Year's. This has a lot to do with me.
And since there is an actual chance to go to OWU and really DO IT, I feel like this is what I need. Really. And even though I'm going to pay my bills by myself and maybe staying home alone friday night cause I wont have the money to party the whole night, I know that I'm not going to stay all alone by myself. I know there's someone watching over me. And this is a great relief. Much better than the material one.


(Just to finish the morning story... in the middle of our conversation Tyna fell asleep. Very very asleep. So I took a shower, cleaned the place a little, wrote a little message for Tyna and went home working on my dance classes music. It felt really good.)

Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard at it.