and here comes the senior me.

Senior pics sneak peak.

(it's just few of them, I'm going to have another photoshoot next week and I still need to wait for all of them to be edited).

I think I look weird (cocky actually, but to be honest the photographer told me to keep my cocky face because he thought I was an interesting person - weird huh?) but I still love them though.

And there actually is like two of them where I smile so... definately not that bad :D

By the way I really love my class and I am going to miss them bad.

8 years together is a long time.

B. and me

love you peeps

me with all the cockiness and no edit

part of my class

me, B. and Honza

love you guys

and again :)

part of my class with the professor

oh em gee. my girls, my loves, my highschool bffs. forever.

oh and this is a special masterpiece... our boys :D

Gnite and enjoy your days off :)

love, Petra.

cheater!

For the past week I've been extremely busy.

My journal is getting a little too crazy and my "to do lists" are not being any different.

So my past week in points:

- stupid math. Friggin stupid math. Luckily I got a really nice professor that is willing to give me the test again.

- my mommy's birthday. I love my mom. As cheesy as it might sound I really do.

- work. Dance dance dance.

- senior pics photoshoot - so much fun!!! amazing young talented photographer, the best class in the world, sun, old coal mining area and a lot of fun :)

- painting :)

- friends, sister, dog, sunshine :)

Unfortunately because of all that stuff I had to do I had to miss something. Ashley called me friday morning and asked if I'd like to go to YL weekend in Bohemia I felt like YAAAY finally I get to leave town again. But then I realized that I can't. I had too much to do this weekend and even if I'd tried really hard I could not fit it to my schedule. I felt sad. I knew all the amazing people are going to be there - Irenka, Ashley, Luke and Ashley, Millers family - and I knew I'll miss a lot of fun. Why can't I be at two places at the same time??? Sometimes I really wish I could.

But the real real point of my post is... you can always cheat on others and trust me sometimes it's really not that hard. But you can NEVER cheat on yourself. On your body. I haven't slept a lot in the past few weeks and I can feel my body being a little sick of it. I fall asleep in the car (even if it's like 10minutes ride), I fall asleep during classes, my eyes are all red and sometimes I say a lot of non-sense. I keep thinking "It doesn't metter if I sleep now or tomorrow. I'll sleep some extra hours this weekend" but I know it's not true. I never sleep extra hours cause it simply gets ever more crazy. And then days like yesterday come... when I come back home, lay down and sleep like a baby (or maybe like an old man) the whole afternoon. It's my body telling me something is wrong. So... here comes the thing - I am not going to cheat on myself anymore.

I promise!!! :)

here are some random pics from the past week:

the boys sleeping on me while I was watching My Sister's Keeper with my sis :)

sunday 2 am coming from a bar. we had fun!

sunday 10 am leaving for the photoshoot.

chocolate ice-cream latté keeps me alive while studying math.

saturday family trip. I met Alissa and Stephanie there - random :)

me being super tired after the photoshoot.

zombeeish me.

Have a great time.

Love, Petra

btw: Ashley's back from her expedition. Staying in Czech until May. Yay!!! I'm gonna meet her in two hours and yes I am super excited about her adventure. It feels so nice to have her back "home" :)

btw2: Service Project's coming!!!

btw3: Massacre in DR Congo and terrorism in Moscow... I have nothing to say.

2 dogs, 2 sisters and a little 2 much.

So... long time no talk, I know. But the thing is that (as the name of my post says) I've been extremely busy with both of my sisters and both of my dogs being here. And to be honest, I can't imagine myself being happier than when I have them all around. I love my little puppy sooo much and I love my little big-dog-boy as well. I just adore my little sister. Honestly if I ever had a baby - I need the baby to be like her. She is just such a sweet smart little creature. And my elder sister? Not only that she's the smartest, nicest and the most beautiful person in this world... she also is my best friend! Jealous much??? :)

We went through a little crazy time when the dogs (let me call them the boys) first met, but it's all cool now. We took a lot of nice walks, we played games, we had fun. And today though it seemed to be a really bad day (fight with someone I never want to fight with leading to complete plans-changing) was just the best of it all. We took a nice walk with my elder sis, we went to the outdoor pub where we just talked with my mommy and sis, then I picked my little sis at her judo practice, we had tons and tons of delicious pizza, then I took a walk with my sweet friend Janka and at the top of it was evening muffins-baking-party with a lots of chocolate and wine.

Another really amazing thing about these days is.. that I had couple of the most honest conversations in my life. With the most beloved people. I honestly don't think I've ever been this honest before. It surely is a good feeling to say out loud everything you keep inside. Especially if you know that the person you talk to really cares.

I don't feel like going to the details. It might sound completely crazy and dumb but... of all the happiness and all the amazing people and things in my life... I feel weird. For some really creepy and stupid reason I feel confused and kinda lost. Hopefully I am just being a little kid right now:)

Good night my almost lover... good night my hopeless dream... :)

Buddy boy.

Buddy boy chillaxin.

the boys sleeping - miracle!!!

in the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.

sunday bike ride. lake. beer. talk.

I finally found The Who tee. I first saw it in F21 this summer and I've been looking for one since then. Now I have one - yayyyy!

this is a photo of me when I was 13. I found it yesterday and... it has its very special meaning!

love, Petra.

peace&conflict updates.

People say that I look like a very cocky and hateful person but when it comes to personal contact (friendship we could say) I know how to be loving and helpful. Huh. I would personally put it this way - I have my angry cocky mask that I love to wear when I come to an unfamiliar atmosphere but I automatically take that mask off as soon as I start to feel safe.

I wear that mask probably because I am scared of some people. I don't want strangers to know me, understand me and eventually hurt my feelings (yes I am such a coward).

So of course thanks to my I-am-so-much-better-than-all-of-you-people-and-I-hate-you-because-of-that face I happen to have a lots of enemies. Well... actually those people are not enemies enemies. They just don't like me but I usually don't even know their names and I never had a conversation with them.

Probably one of the most frequent comments people say to me is "You used to be such a cocky bitch until I got to know you" - I think it's super funny and it perfectly shows how we, as humans, tend to judge a book by its cover.

Anyways, let me get to my point. There have been, are and always will be people in my life who just don't like me and I am perfectly ok with that. But there are also people I never ever said a word to and they really enjoy messing up my life. They say a lot of bad things, they act like they know pretty much every single detail of my life, they even know a lot about my health issues (I wish I knew as much as they do!!!). I don't really understand that. I mean if I had a problem with someone, I should walk to that person and talk. But whatever we all have our own ways...

There once was a girl like that. The way she treated me was never really fair and of course I have to admit I wasn't the nicest and the most friendly person either. I am not going to talk about everything that happened between us. Sometimes it was super ridiculous, sometimes it was a real big drama, sometimes it made me laugh and sometimes it hurt. But I'm all over it now.

I mean that's what high school is about huh? All the drama, jealousy, fights, gossip... But honestly.. I feel like I am not a high schooler anymore! I mean of course I still have two months to go but considering how mature I've been growing in the past few months and how incredibly I cleaned my mind, my sould and my life, I think there's no time for drama queen wars.

Last week I had a glass of wine with my friend (who also is that girl's friend) and she said something like "I bet you two would have a lot to talk about. I just don't understand why you hate each other so bad", and I felt like WHAAAT? Oh come on, I am so over this thing. Why would I hate her? This is all past and past should not be told about. And so I said her that I don't hate that girl at all. I actually thing she kinda went through the same thing as I did. We both changed a lot, we both grew up and we both realized who is and is not important in our lives.

Two days after that I met my friend again and she was there with her. With the girl. I tried to put my hateful mask on but I was laughing on the inside. I felt like oh my gosh this is so ridiculous. This is our first time we're actually talking to each other but there were terrible YEARS of hate. WHY???

Since friday we've been kinda talking over facebook and I think it's all going well. Of course I would not consider her being my friend as well as she would not consider me being her friend, because we just don't know each other at all and we pretty much met once, but I feel like... (ok and here comes the real point!)...

...I feel like - if I really want to fight for peace, if I really want to fight for our world being a better place, shouldn't I fight for my own life being peaceful and better first???

As Donald Miller said in my favourite book

"Nothing is going to change in Congo until you and I realize what's wrong with the man in the mirror" - and he is so freakin right.

How can I fight for peace if there is a (stupid and pointless) war in my own life???

Michael Jackson perfectly speaks my mind in one of my favourite song of all times

"If you want to make a world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change".

I want to make a world a better place. I do. I want to see people happy, I don't care if people think I am naive and there is no chance I could actually change something. I do believe in what I'm doing, I do believe it has its purpose and I do believe that if I change my own life and once those stupid high school wars are over, this change will transfrom me into someone who could be there when great things happen. I am going to be a part of the world healing process. But first I need to heal my own world.

So I am done with stupid fights. Of course I am not going to let people say bad things about me if they don't know me and they don't have a rational reason. But I am not dealing with those people through stupid fights. I am going to ask them questions. I don't want to persuade people what a sweet girl am I (they should know already duuuuuh - kidding), I don't want to do things just so people like me... but I also don't want conflicts, not in my life.

Basically... I just want my life to be a peaceful life to live. And accordning to that I want my life to help this world to be a peaceful place to live in.

I hope we all together can make the change. It all begins with us but in the end it's the whole world involved.

Does that make any sense???

this is the cutest Peace Please Miley Cyrus' tee I got from my always awesome I.♥

Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be king to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving you because you belong to Christ.

Ephesians 4: 31-32

(Btw today when we talked with the girl she was like "But we're doing quite good when I think of how we would always want to kill each other" and it made me laugh. And so we thought that maybe we could make a movie or a soap opera based on our story to earn a lot of money. I'd love to use the money coming from the stupid mean girls war to try to actually end some real war. Good idea, isn't it???)

gnite, love, Petra.

generation that seeks.

I don't really know where to start. Let me return to my latest post where I talked about people being uncomfortable with their own lives and according to that they try to make other people's lives as uncomfortable as theirs. Well.. nothing has changed since then. It's even worse actually.

A lot has happened this week. People I thought were my friends (or at least they used to be few years ago) said a lot of bad things about me. And also people I've never even seen in my life.

I was called a hypocrite who does Invisible Children and other non-profits just to look good. That hurt. Why would I spent the hardest year of my life (graduation, college, all that being and not being in complicated relationship, all the family problems, all the health issues...) working so HARD on somethin just to look good? Oh come on!

First I got all mad and sad at the same time, I called my friends and I cried and I used a lot of inappropriate words and I felt like - why am I even doing all that if people think I only do it because I want to look good in their eyes??! I felt so not able to work with people anymore because they just hurt so bad sometimes. I felt like going to a desert island and living with wild animals would be the best choice for me.

But then after I talked to a lot of my friends and all the amazing people I am lucky to have around me, I realized that that's a bullshit (sorry).

I love doing it. I love doing Invisible Children even though it is not always easy. I really honestly from the bottom of my heart believe that there is a point in my work. I also love doing Adra, even though sometimes I cry for another few days. It's not easy to be there and see everything I see, but I guess I need it. As Steve Jobs said once "It was awful tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed it". Yes I am the patient. I would never ever realized how bad I love my family if I hadn't seen what I saw. I would never ever love the person I love if it was not that complicated. And I would never realize what a wonderful place this world is if there were not people trying to make hell out of it for me.

And so I stopped crying and I stopped being a little kid and I stood strong in that fight and I am ready to keep fighting for what I believe in. Call me whatever you want to call me - I do not care unless you are someone I love, someone I know very well and someone who knows me.

Life is never easy. It never was and it never will be. Whenever you feel like "Ok I think it's time for my life to get a little better" everything screws up in a minute. It gets even worse. Why? Because someone or something (call it what you want to call it) is trying to show us that things are never THAT bad. That it can always be worse. I had my head all crowded with those WHY? questions, I opened my last journal and read all those suicidal notes I wrote down when my life seemed really really bad (it was right after Christmas). I literally wrote down reasons why I should and should not wake up the other morning. Luckily there always was "Ok I might be waking up tomorrow morning" note. When I look back, I know how strong am I now. How the relationship with my parents, my sister and some of my friends grew stronger. How strong am I even though sometimes it seems like there's no point cause I don't know when the end is coming. My time is limited.

I tried to answer those questions but I knew I'm not able to do that. I'm just a human being and yes I still consider myself being a little child.

So I decided to go to Czech church today after like 4 months (shame on me!).

I was a little worried cause I basically can't stand service in Czech. I often fall asleep or something like that. But this time I felt amazing. I LOVED the speech, I loved Ashley being with me, I loved seeing all the people and I love realizing things. Even though the topic of the service was "conscience" I got all my answers. It made me think a lot about my own conscience, about forgiveness, friendship, love. I doodled my crazy notes (Ashley made fun of) and I keep reading them again and again and thinking. Thinking about how my own conscience sometimes gets unconscious. It was amazing. I am so going to church next week (and I am so dealing with that language bareer).

And so the summary of my post is - we all can judge very easily. We are amazing critics. But when it comes to our own life are we as critical as usual? Do we have the right to judge if we sin ourselves?? Do we have the right to call somebody hypocrite if we are hypocrites ourselves???

Think about it.

This is my Invisible Children promo pic. I need to show you since I am such a hypocrite.

(I became an official IC translator/ HS Wichterlovo / Arts and Media / Tour and screening manager... sounds cool doesn't it??? bahahaha hypocrite!)

Last thing to say - morning service made me think of upcoming Service Project a lot.

In not even a month I am going to meet a lot of interesting personalities, share room with my girls, have fun at the hotel, at schools, teach, translate and keep myself in my English mode 24/7. Yay!!!

(You know how happy does it make me there's no need to talk about it)

The only sad thing is that none of "my" bases is coming. I'm gonna miss you Vicenza and Mannheim. Even more sad is that my favourite Perry's family is not coming (cause they are not in Europe anymore:(..).

I'm going to miss Jim and Nathaniel of course :) But I got to talk to Jim today after all that crazy movingbacktothestates situation and I know they are both ok and happy and that's what matters :)

Service Project 08 historical movie we made the last day :D

(Stucky, Drew, me, Yamil, John Massey and JJ)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzaV8O0t_58

and this is us singing in the bus :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmSSbYJHngk

Service Project 09 - me and Nathaniel :)

and now couple of very inspiring quotes:

"If today was the last day of my life would I want to do what I am about to do today? If the answer is NO too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

"You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there."

"Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life."

(They are all Steve Jobs'. I simply love the last one.)

Have an amazing week.

Love, Petra.

faking...

... your smile with a coffee to go.

Ok. I'm being weird these days. I'm extremely happy and joyful and then suddenly I get all sad for no specific reason. Or maybe there is a reason. There are people in the world who need to fight for their lives - and no this is not one of my I-wish-I-could-save-all-the-third-world-countries thought. This is pure reality that some of us have no idea about.

There also are people in the world whose lives are all good. I mean of course we all struggle sometimes but when we think a little deeper we are lucky to live the life we live.

So what do we do when we have pretty much nothing to complain? We seek for an adventure. Excitement. Conflict. And along with the seek we annoy, we fight, we hurt. Sometimes we don't even realize how bad we hurt. We all do it but only few of us are able to admit it and even fewer try not to do it again.

I beg you - if your life is all good and there's no problem around, please do not complicate lives of others. It hurts really really bad sometimes (even though you may not mean it to hurt).

Thank you.

Anyways... let's be a little optimistic. The sun stopped by today and hopefuly it will again. I had a really nice wine time last night and a doggie walk today with my friend Janka. We haven't seen each other for ages so we had a lot to talk about and we laughed a lot. After the wine we both felt kind of after-date-ish. She sent me that sweet message about how glad is she to know me. I feel the same way. Thank you for giving me the chance to have someone like you in my life :)

After the walk I went downtown to buy some arts stuff so I can start working on someting new (finally!!! it's been a week!!!), I went to the library and had a little study time in my favourite Jet Set café. Good feeling, good day!

me, Janka and her little dog.

I look weird but she's a beauty ♥

Hope you had a good one too.

Love, Petra.

March 7th is a special day.

Why???

3 reasons.

The first one - my little baby sister Kristyna is turning 8 today.

Which leads to thought - should I call her "my little baby sister"??? Yes, even though that she's growing really tall (yes almost taller than I am) and really smart, I'll always call her my little baby sister. Because I simply love her. I can't believe she's 8 now!!! I remember the day she was born, I bought her a cute teddy bear ad I cried when I first saw her even though I never watned to have a younger sister. As cheesy as it sounds, I can't imagine my life without her, she's the one who always makes me smile and laugh and play silly games. Thank you for being the best little baby sister ever!

these are some of the random pics of my little baby.

Reason number two is that my other little sister - the American one - is turning 14 today.

Happy Birthday Sara!!!

It's crazy, when I started to call Sara my little sister I had no idea she had the same birthday as the real little sister has. Cool! I miss you Sara, I miss our long walks, BurgerKing cookies, pretzels and Fruity Loops at 4 am, I miss watching movies until the morning, I miss sharing room with you, I miss your dance workshops and playing 10 fingers, I miss you Skip-Bo!!! Hope you're enjoying an amazing day with your amazing family!!! Say hello to Nathaniel, Jim and your mom for me. And of course Tulip and Copper too :)

pics of Sara I took this summer.

And the third and the last reason is that my friend Ashley is leaving for her expedition today. She's flying to Norway for two weeks of training and then she's flying to the northermost island where she's going to cross-country ski for 35 days. It's aroun 700km I guess. It's going to be an epic adventure I am hundred percent sure about that but it also is a very dangerous thing to do. There live about 2500 polar bears on the island and they are just waking up from their hibernation and they are going to be very hungry ... oh yes I forgot the tiny detail - polar bear is one of the only animals that HUNT people. Yop. So we are all scared and we will pray a lot for Ashley. But I am sure, she'll work it out, she's just that awesome. This week Ashley spent it whole in Czech and we had a chance to talk and Ashley just inspired me so much. Even though different people keep saying their opinion, Ashley was the first one who said something I 100% agreed with. She ispired me a lot and thanks to her I am not scared anymore. i have no doubts, I know that everything happens for a reason and the reason is about to come.

This is a part of what Ashley wrote into my book: "Life is not a race, everything will start to fall into piece - just how is it suppose to. Love Ashley."

Thank you Ashley, thank you a lot. I know your expedition is going to be one great unforgettable epic adventure and I'm sure you're going to be great! And I'm sure that I am as well :)

these are some of the pics of the most adventurous girl I've ever met - Ashley.

me and Ashley :)

Ashley in Africa.

Ashley training for the expedition.

Ashley in Thailand.

whoever's interested check this out: www.coldshores.co.uk

Happy March 7th!!!

love, Petra

awesome A&A.

Just a short post..

Today I finally picked up what Aubrey sent me for my birthday. I expected the b-day card because she told me earlier but I did not expect Reese's!!! I got a huge pack of my favourite candy of all times!!! Yummi yummi. And of course the birthday card is just super cute and funny!!!

Thank you Aubrey, not only for this but also for being so supportive, helpful, honest and trustful in one of those really bad days, you're an amazing person ♥

And I got another gift today. I actually got it on Tuesday but I wanted a dedication written in it and today I got it back with the dedication inside.

Ashley, my friend from Salt Lake City, Utah, I met last spring and got to know her better few months ago, she gave me that amazing book named "If you're afraid of the dark, add one more star to the night". It's an amazing hand-painted children's book that has a deep story beyond. It was the sweetest surprise ever and what made me feel even happier was the dedication Ashley wrote. Thank you so much for that Ashley. Our nice little Tuesday talk and this book showed me a new point of view and that's what I needed. Thanks a lot for that! ♥

And I surely am going to write another post about how impressed I am by your expedition:)

love, (loved) Petra.