I wear that mask probably because I am scared of some people. I don't want strangers to know me, understand me and eventually hurt my feelings (yes I am such a coward).
So of course thanks to my I-am-so-much-better-than-all-of-you-people-and-I-hate-you-because-of-that face I happen to have a lots of enemies. Well... actually those people are not enemies enemies. They just don't like me but I usually don't even know their names and I never had a conversation with them.
Probably one of the most frequent comments people say to me is "You used to be such a cocky bitch until I got to know you" - I think it's super funny and it perfectly shows how we, as humans, tend to judge a book by its cover.
Anyways, let me get to my point. There have been, are and always will be people in my life who just don't like me and I am perfectly ok with that. But there are also people I never ever said a word to and they really enjoy messing up my life. They say a lot of bad things, they act like they know pretty much every single detail of my life, they even know a lot about my health issues (I wish I knew as much as they do!!!). I don't really understand that. I mean if I had a problem with someone, I should walk to that person and talk. But whatever we all have our own ways...
There once was a girl like that. The way she treated me was never really fair and of course I have to admit I wasn't the nicest and the most friendly person either. I am not going to talk about everything that happened between us. Sometimes it was super ridiculous, sometimes it was a real big drama, sometimes it made me laugh and sometimes it hurt. But I'm all over it now.
I mean that's what high school is about huh? All the drama, jealousy, fights, gossip... But honestly.. I feel like I am not a high schooler anymore! I mean of course I still have two months to go but considering how mature I've been growing in the past few months and how incredibly I cleaned my mind, my sould and my life, I think there's no time for drama queen wars.
Last week I had a glass of wine with my friend (who also is that girl's friend) and she said something like "I bet you two would have a lot to talk about. I just don't understand why you hate each other so bad", and I felt like WHAAAT? Oh come on, I am so over this thing. Why would I hate her? This is all past and past should not be told about. And so I said her that I don't hate that girl at all. I actually thing she kinda went through the same thing as I did. We both changed a lot, we both grew up and we both realized who is and is not important in our lives.
Two days after that I met my friend again and she was there with her. With the girl. I tried to put my hateful mask on but I was laughing on the inside. I felt like oh my gosh this is so ridiculous. This is our first time we're actually talking to each other but there were terrible YEARS of hate. WHY???
Since friday we've been kinda talking over facebook and I think it's all going well. Of course I would not consider her being my friend as well as she would not consider me being her friend, because we just don't know each other at all and we pretty much met once, but I feel like... (ok and here comes the real point!)...
...I feel like - if I really want to fight for peace, if I really want to fight for our world being a better place, shouldn't I fight for my own life being peaceful and better first???
As Donald Miller said in my favourite book
"Nothing is going to change in Congo until you and I realize what's wrong with the man in the mirror" - and he is so freakin right.
How can I fight for peace if there is a (stupid and pointless) war in my own life???
Michael Jackson perfectly speaks my mind in one of my favourite song of all times
"If you want to make a world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change".
I want to make a world a better place. I do. I want to see people happy, I don't care if people think I am naive and there is no chance I could actually change something. I do believe in what I'm doing, I do believe it has its purpose and I do believe that if I change my own life and once those stupid high school wars are over, this change will transfrom me into someone who could be there when great things happen. I am going to be a part of the world healing process. But first I need to heal my own world.
So I am done with stupid fights. Of course I am not going to let people say bad things about me if they don't know me and they don't have a rational reason. But I am not dealing with those people through stupid fights. I am going to ask them questions. I don't want to persuade people what a sweet girl am I (they should know already duuuuuh - kidding), I don't want to do things just so people like me... but I also don't want conflicts, not in my life.
Basically... I just want my life to be a peaceful life to live. And accordning to that I want my life to help this world to be a peaceful place to live in.
I hope we all together can make the change. It all begins with us but in the end it's the whole world involved.
Does that make any sense???
this is the cutest Peace Please Miley Cyrus' tee I got from my always awesome I.♥
Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be king to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving you because you belong to Christ.
Ephesians 4: 31-32
(Btw today when we talked with the girl she was like "But we're doing quite good when I think of how we would always want to kill each other" and it made me laugh. And so we thought that maybe we could make a movie or a soap opera based on our story to earn a lot of money. I'd love to use the money coming from the stupid mean girls war to try to actually end some real war. Good idea, isn't it???)
gnite, love, Petra.
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