random.

I love those random things that happen in people's lives. What I love the most is when I find out that my mind is working exactly the same way as someone else's mind. It's probably one of the things I'll never understand.

Some of those things have happened to me quite often lately. Let me explain.

I'll start with yesterday. By the time I was going back home after wonderful time we had at Tyna's (yes I think that having 2-hour-long skype conversation with Irenka -who by the way seemed to me like chilling in the same bed, not 400km away-, eating popcorn, gossiping and having fun is WONDERFUL!!!... and honestly... who doesn't???) I was thinking about how happy I am. Listening to my favourite Bjork's song (which made me and Tyna laugh really loud on friday - we've had so much fun lately!!!) and thinking about everything that is going on in my life I just thought - I need to post some really cool status on facebook tonight (ok I am a facebook addict and I don't care!!!).
So when I came home... the first thing that came to my mind was that "happy" status I posted. Here comes the awesomness (is that an actual word???) of my story... just as I posted it I saw Tyna's status saying "happy" and I thought... oh my gosh that's so awesome!!! We posted the exact same status at the exact same time (well acutally Tyna was like 3 minutes faster but I didn't know cause my facebook is just a little slow with all the updates). And even more awesome is that we were happy for the exact same reason... and we both know the reason.. actually all three of us know, right Irenka? :)



***

Second random thing that happened was the movie I watched yesterday.
I know it's not that random for a lame teenager like me to watch a movie... but this one was somehow special. I mean... it made me think. Which is not the "special" part of it... the special part of it is that it was a cheesy story full of typical american drama and it still made me think.
There was a scene when a really handsome guy came to a bar or café or whatever that was, dressed up like a stinky homeless and he told the waitress "you're very pretty". She said something like "I don't think so..." so he said it again and took off his stinky clothes and turns out he happened to be her virtual boyfriend she was supposed to meet but she ran away because she thought he's too handsome to even consider her being his virtual love. (I really like the quote "If you don't want him to judge you by your look why are you doing that to him???". ) And so they started kissing and blah blah blah... you know.
But... the point is... that was so romantic!!! He came to see her even though she made him waiting for hours and she never showed up. He gave her a rose and told her how pretty is she (no she was not pretty, let's be honest here)... and I ask...
Why do we live in such a non-romantic world??? Why there's no traveling through the whole country? No surprising situations, no spontaneous decisions, no randomness, no romance???
Where did all that go???
Why does every relationship end up (after a certain time) as a "hey let's watch some movie!"??? Why does romantic dinner end up as a "hey let's buy some chips!"???
And no, by romance I do not mean stuffed animals and poetry reading...
I mean the spontaneous romantic randomness that makes two people closer and closer... Gosh!!!


I've been thinking (and talking) about this the whole day and I'll probably will for another couple days... and I'm glad I have amazing girlfriends to talk to at school. Yes I love our crazy discussions! And I love having coffee and smarties mcflurry with David and talking about all that with him... he's a great friend!


***

Third and the last thing for today is very related to both previous. It just happened few minutes ago. I saw that thing... let's call it "THE THING"... that really hurt me. I mean... I kinda expected that and I knew it was coming but even if you expect horrible things to happen it doesn't hurt you less when they're here. So I read THE THING and I felt broken. It just hurt me like a stab. And so I told J. about it on icq, we were talking about it, I thought about it deeply for a while and as I was typing "time to move on" she just sent me "time to move on".
Just like that.
English. No Czech.
Just the simple TIME TO MOVE ON.
And I guess she's right. Very right (ok she's always right, that's why I love her so much).
And so.. it's time to move on. Finally.


And so related to the first thing... I am happy because of many reasons but one of them is that there's a boy in my life. We've spent a lot of time lately... just talking and having fun. And he slowly became from the guy I couldn't stand to the guy I'd tell pretty much anything. He's filling the very last empty space in my life... and I have to admit that he's doing pretty good job.
I don't want to rush anything, my last realtionship was just an enormous mistake and here comes the relation to the second thing actually. I want this to be different. I want it to be somehow special, not just "being in relationhsip" on facebook, watching movies and eating chips. I am not officially in a relationship and I'm not even thinking about it... I just really want to spend more time with a boy who took me to the city hall tower for the first time in my life just to "get over things", who rushed through the whole city at 2am just to see me in my senior dance dress, who can play pokemons and spongebob cards with my little sister the whole afternoon and actually enjoy it.. that's what I want right now! I really do!

Please pray for me so I wont get stupid or crazy or just "myself-ish" and wont screw it all at the very beginning. Thanks :)


***


Btw I love Irenka and Tyna. But I guess you know already.

Btw2 I love B. and J. and Veronika. But I guess that's anoter thing you already know.

Btw3 I love having coffee with David. Not just because he's cool so I feel really cool too sitting next to him.

Btw4 You should watch the Ten Inch Hero. I love it!

Btw5 I'm going to Vienna with J. and her dad. Yes the hot sinlge 40year-old dad with Jaguar car who keeps asking for my number. I guess we're gonna have fun there !!! jk. Well... not really :D

Btw6 Love you my blog followers. Good night!

well.

I really wanted to write some interesting blog.
But I feel completely empty.
I mean... I need an inspiration.
I'm desperately sick, drinking too many coldrex hot drinks, eating tons of pills and falling asleep every hour. Gosh!
I watched a really good movie few hours ago.
But I just don't feel that inspirated to actually write something.
I guess I'm falling asleep again..
I need something BIG to happen. Really. I mean it.
Hopefully my senior dance that we call "ribbon party" will be the thing. Or at least partly.
Thanks everyone who's been praying for me to feel better. I really need it.
Thank you.



I'm uploading some pics... from the past few weeks.
I've been really busy and there's a lots of event I could write about, but I just don't feel like doing it right now. I'm sick :(

But you should know that I rode a horse!!! Yes!!!
And I really love Ashley's kitty called Tilly. Even though I usually hate cats, Tilly stole my heart.
And I curved my first pumpkin. Her name was Cecillia and yes she was a beauty.
And I think (as cocky as it might sound) that the choreography I'm currently working on is going to be really really good one!!!

el-oh-vee-ee.

Friday 13th was TWLOHA day.
Day full of spreading love.
I felt love all around.
When I spent my time in the orphanage with Kristynka again.
When I met all the young life people.
When me, Irenka and Tyna had an amazing time together.
When we danced all night with tons of random people.
When I felt like everything is just perfect.

el-oh-vee-ee.

How are you?

So Kevin asked me very simple question today. "How are you?".
People ask this question all the time. "Hey dude what's up, how are you doin?"
But nobody really cares about the answer. And if they do they expect you to be negative.
This is how it goes in Czech. If people ask you how are you doing you are supposed to say "Mhmm could have been better" or "not really good actually."
Cause if you honestly say "Hey I am great!!! I'm doing really good at school, I have the best friends in the world and my family is making me really happy" it means that you're showing off and you want to make people jealous.
That's the reason why I'm done with howareyou questions.
When I'm doing really bad I usually don't want a lot of people to know. I'm not that kind of person, I don't want everyone to feel sorry for me. And I know people know how to hurt you when you are not strong enough to defend yourself.
And when I'm doing really good.. I need to talk about it a little more than just answer the howareyou question.

But actually I've been thinking about this "howareyou" problem a lot lately.
It's really funny and ironic but for the past few weeks (or even months) I've been doing really good. I mean it. Of course I have a bad days, couple of fights and other problems but if I'd write down my +/- list it would be pretty positive.
But at the same time it seems like my life is a one big bad luck for the past two or three weeks. Seriously!
Everytime I come to the bus stop I see the bus leaving. Everytime!!! I always forget my wallet at home, I'm loosing my keys and my cellphone 2 times a day (on an average), I spent 4 hours in two days waiting in an office to get one stupid certification and they always told me that the system failed, when I'm finally lucky enough to catch my bus I always forget to get off at the right place, I get lost at the places and I have to ask people to help me, my cellphone dies every single time I actually NEED it... it's all creepy!!! But I'm having so much fun. Honestly! It makes me smile. I feel like Jepichodov character in Checkov's play The Cherry Orchard.
It seems to be my destiny.
Yes I don't really enjoy missing my bus three times a day but it doesn't ruin my life (at least I hope) so it's fun.

But let's get to the point. I realized that I am really happy. I mean it. I have a lot of work to do and that work makes me really happy. I enjoy every minute thinking about the choreography I'm working on. I got together the best dancers I could ever prayed for and we have a lot of fun working on it. I have no problem with my family and friends I see their love every single minute and dude that's so awesome! It really is!!! I love when people ask me for help or when they offer me to join some interesting project, I love playing mikado and watching spongebob with my little sister and I love singing and reading her "An Awesome Book". I love singing and dancing in the night when I'm walking my dog. I love bringing yummi things to school so it can make our rough day not that rough. I love my week being really busy, I love not having a day off (of course I need it sometimes but that actually makes it so special). I am just enjoying my life. Not 100% but 10000%. I haven't had a sleepless night for more then 3 months probably because I just always fall asleep immediately after an amazing busy day.
And what breaks my heart is that people are too scared or just to blind to admit that their life is pretty amazing too. That they should be really happy and enjoy every minute of it.

I fully realized this friday. I spent two hours volunteering in an orphanage as every friday.
But this friday I took care of a little girl named Kristyna (just like my little sister).
She is one of the most beautiful kids I've ever seen. She has big blue eyes, smooth blonde hair and an angel face. She's 4 years old and man... she is the sweetest and the most grateful kid I've ever seen. Those two hours we spent by reading books, painting and playing boardgames seemed like ten minutes to me. And when I had to leave her crying and asking me if I'm ever coming back it just broke my heart.
Literally.
Wonderful beautiful child like her was begging me not to leave her...

And I'm asking you. All of you people who keep complaining about your cellphones, about your computers, about your job, about your partner, about your parents...
How are you? Are you really that bad? Would you beg a strange girl to come to see you again cause you have nobody else in this world? No??
Where the heck is the problem then???

I am sorry for being offensive.. but this just breaks my heart. I am not saying that I am perfect. Nobody is. I know I've done a lot of really bad things in my life and some of them are still showing up even though I'm really trying to forget and never do them again. But as one wise boy said "That's my history and I can't change it. It's a part of me."
This is exactly how I feel. I'm really sorry for all the bad things I've done. I am.
I could spend whole day apologizing and it would still not be enough.
I can't change what happened. I could never join those facebook groups like "I hate liars" or
"I hate bitches who cheat" cause I've been there.
But I can try not to do those things again.
Be honest to myself. Be good. Be happy.

And when somebody asks me "How are you?" the answer will be "Great!".
I'm pretty sure about that.