I love flying. Yesterday I was asked what superpower would I choose if I had the chance. I responded „flying“. Unfortunatelly this was just a theoretical question, I don´t really have any superpower and therefore the only „human“ possibility of flying has to be sufficient for me. Today, after long four months I took off again. I missed it. The feeling of wheels glueing off the runway and the monumental object raises higher and higher and I get the chance to observe the roofs, the rivers, the mountain peeks, the seasides and the continents. I love the atmosphere on board, I love nice flight attendants offering good coffee in cute paper cups, I love orange juice that I normally don´t really drink. I actually drink orange juice specially on the place. I love neverending turning the leaves of offered newspapers and I love the little stomach shake that comes with every little unknown movement. I love flying.
But what I really don´t love, I honestly don´t even like it, are the tears that come before every flight. Especially during the past couple months. There was a lot of tears in Pisa this July, while reading the letter and stuffing my mouth with the peanut-butter and nutella sandwich that Keith gave me. There was a lot of them when saying goodbye to my family, when I left the house for the first time in my life and basically moved my life to Romania. There was a lot of them today while unwrapping the gift from Cori, while reading the letter from Lara and going through tons of those cute little notes and wishes everyone left for me. And there somewhere in between the breathe-in and breath-out, somewhere in between taking off in Timisoara and landing in Vienna, somewhere there a part of me just died. It felt like baseball bat hit being back here, in the world where anonymous faces with plastic cups of overpriced coffee and even more overpriced items in their hands just run into you and don´t even apologize, they actually don´t even bother looking at you. It felt like a blow seeing those two pigeons sitting apart after four months of spending every single minute together all in love on one tree branch right in front of our window. It felt sad to see all the rain in Arad after all those beautiful days full of fallen leaves and colors. Only gray remained. But what feels even more sad is the fact that the world that suddenly showed up around me and surrounded me for four months suddenly disappeared. No more neverending waiting for those magic old trams, no more dinners full of nice people and good food, no more glasses of wine in a really cool bar, no more complainning about the non-working shower, no more fighting with the broken door, no more goofying around in the office, no more dancing in a club full of annoying drunk Romanians.
No more Lara and her cute drawings, her love for raisins and the fact that she will probably never be able to learn the word „raisins“, no more talent for cooking czech meals and no more colors that she colors her life with. No more Julia and her big smile, excitement for more and more tequilla shots and her willingness to be around and help whenever needed. No more Sophie and her famous chocolate cakes, peacefull voice, disability to get mad and her passion for good movies. No more Alex, his funny English, innocent smile he can solve every problem with and neverending stupid jokes and comments. No more Ele, her energy, laughter and dancing. No more Diego able to spend hours and hours by the stove, no more Kakha being able to date four different girls in one day, no more Concha and her excitement she talks about dance with. No more Anca and her latino bubble she spends her working time in, no more Corina, her deadly sarcastic humour and ability to be a friend even though she´s old and desperate, no more Mircea.
Somewhere in between the breathe-in and breathe-out, somewhere in between Timisoara and Vienna a part of me died. The crazy world so remote from the original expectations died. The experience that I will appreciate for the rest of my life with all its goods and bads died. The comeback is here, but I know it will never be the same as it used to be. There is new story to be written, even though the background might have remained the same, the protagonists changed. We all changed, me and all the people around me. And me, sitting on the rough floor waitting for the report about my flight being cancelled and watching all the snowflakes outside and faces of the nervous travellers inside, I am scared of that change. I am scared of all the broken relationship and all the new that are coming. I am scared of plans that will never work out and acts that will replace them. I am scared of the everyday emptiness and neverending catching up at the same time. I am scared. But somewhere inside, deep under all the stress of the weather disfavor, fatigue of the caffeine absence and neverending questionning, there is the feeling of going home. Home! The place where they love me most and the place I love the most…
(Vienna, December 3rd)
When I first stepped into my room and saw my baby sister sleeping with a photo of the two of us, I burst in tears. Because even though there is a culture shock and changes I am not ready for all around me, in the middle of all that I have a little oasis, where I can watch Scooby Doo, sledge slide, bake cookies and play uno cards without thinking of what´s gonna happen. The oasis is my home.
(Ostrava, December 5th)
For all the people that were a part of my new world I have one big „MULTUMESC!“. (I wish my keyboard had all the special Romanian letters).
(And in case you care, I am doing good here. My family is doing good, I think we will have a nice Christmas after all that happened. My little sister keeps me very busy with all the snow activities, baking and playing games. We enjoyed St. Nicolas as angels giving gifts to little children, which was amazing. My friends are amazing as well, they keep me busy while my sister is at school or sleeping. Right now I am catching up with all my doctors and stuff, packing for Prague and looking for a job while waitting for my college exams invitation. In the mean time I really miss you. I hope you are having a great time and you will have a chance to enjoy some snow there J !!!)
Keep me updated with what´s going on!!!!
Petra
some photos I took with my baby sister in the past couple days:
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